Bad Touch Trouble
by LunethPerson
Summary: It all started with the Bad Touch Trio bumping heads, which paves the way for one crazy few hours for their friends.  No pairings, no...stuff, but not exactly for young readers.  Rated T for Prussia being suggestive, and plenty of swears.
1. Head to head

Ahem, this is probably one of the most...inappropriate ones I've written so far, but nothing happens, so...you've been warned.

I'm posting this as a sort of an apology because I won't be posting for a few days.

Why? Cause I'm going to CANADA! ! Yeah!

Everyone: Who?

Canada: *Happy grin* Tourists!

And yet, it's a cliffhanger. Sorry.

I don't own Hetalia, because I'm bad at drawing, history, and everything else that would be needed to make something close to the wonder of Hetalia.

000

It was the end of the meeting, and most of the nations had gone home. Germany was checking over his notes with Prussia nearby, Britain was arguing with France, and Spain was molesto (Spanish for "annoying", not "molesting") Romano. Italy was also there, though no one knew if he was waiting for Germany, Romano, or even Spain.

"So West, did you take notes on how awesome I am?"

"Nein."

"How about how Ukraine's shirt seemed to be-"

"Bruder, shut up."

"Ohohoho…"

"Frog!"

"Hey Romano! You looked so funny when you were yelling at Germany!"

"Shut it b*******!"

Finally, at around the same time, Prussia made one lewd comment to many, France got a little too close to Britain, and Romano finally snapped. And so, the Prussian, the Frenchman, and the Spaniard found themselves hurtling across the room, where they met each other in the middle head-first.

*Konk*

They fell in a heap, unconscious.

"Bruder!"

"Oops…"

"Damnit potato b******! You hit Spain with your potato b****** fratello!" Germany, Britain and Romano came over.

"Hm…are they okay?"

The German sighed and picked up his brother, slinging him over his shoulder. "Mein bruder vill be fine. He's gone srough vorse."

"Spain's head is an airbag so he's fine…"

"I wouldn't be surprised if France wakes up fine." Germany walked out the door. The two Italy brothers dragged Spain out after him. Britain paused, wondering if he really had to carry France out.

Suddenly the sleeping nation rose slightly on its own.

"GHOST!" Britain brought some salt out of nowhere and threw it at France. Canada blinked, then shook himself free of the mineral.

"B-Britain, I'll take France home."

"America? When did you get here?"

"I'm Canada."

"Oh, right."

000

Germany came home and dumped Prussia on the couch before sitting down. He immediately started working. About ten minutes later, his brother groaned.

"Ow…"

"Guden morgen bruder."

"Huh?" He sat up and rubbed his head.

"What happened?"

"I accidently srew you into Spain and France. Zen I had to carry you home, and you vern't zat light."

"Aw Westy…" Germany stiffened as two arms looped around him. "How nice of you…"

Westy? It was bad enough to be called "West". He pulled the arms off him. "Bruder…? Are you feeling okay?" He supposed that there was a slim chance Prussia might be a little off after the conk on his head, though it was unlikely considering his apparent lack of a brain.

"Ja, I'm fine…Because I'm all awesome y'know?"

"Right…" Germany got up and turned around. "But maybe you should lie back down…"

"Keesekeesekeese…" A finger traced the taller German's chest. "Maybe if you lay down with me…"

"Vat?" A hand snatched the older nation's wrist. "Bruder, now I am **really** vorried."

"Don't be…ugh…" He stumbled into his younger brother's chest. Germany's eyes lit with concern.

"Bruder? Are you having trouble standing straight? Bru-" Suddenly he forgot his brother had been injured and shoved him back several feet. "BRUDER DID YOU JUST MOLEST ME?"

"It was just a little friendly touch…"

"I AM YOUR **BRUDER**! B-R-U-D-E-R!"

"…So?"

000

As soon as the Italian's got home Veniziano went into the kitchen to make a snack.

"Bring out a glass of water while you're at it."

"Okay~!" He bounced out a few seconds later with the beverage. "Are you thirsty from dragging Spain here fratello?"

"No…" Romano took the glass and threw it in Spain's face.

"Wah! Fratello why did you do that?"

"To wake the b****** up."

"Huh?" The Spaniard's eyes opened. "Hey Romano, what happened?"

"You hit your head."

"Oh yeah." He put his hands behind his head and smirked. "I remember. You threw me into France and Prussia."

"Well yeah. What the Hell is with that smirk?" It was reminding Romano a little too much of a certain white-haired potato b******.

"There were better ways to wake me up you know."

"Like?"

"Well I dunno…why did you wake me up anyways?"

"So you'd get off my living room floor."

"And…what if I don't?"

"What?" The older Italian's face flushed red. "Why you little-"

"Fratelli! Don't fight! Why don't we all make some pasta?" Spain's eyes flickered over to Veniziano.

"Hmph, fine…"

"B******"

"Hey!"

000

Canada finally managed to drag France to his house. Seychelles and Monaco looked up.

"What happened to France?"

"He…hit his head."

"Hit his head? Or did something hit it?"

"Uh…" The nation put him on the couch. "Both…?"

"…Okay…" Seychelles went over to him. "France?" She poked him. "France, wake up…"

"Hm…?" The Frenchman opened his eyes. "Oh hi, Seychelles, you look pretty today."

"Um, thanks…" He sat up and grinned. It wasn't his usual perverted grin either, but a happy smiled that seemed almost…innocent?

"France?" Canada stepped toward him. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Sure~!" He hopped up. "Anyone hungry? I feel like tomatoes…"

"Uh…o…kay…?"

000

Yeah, that's it. For now...

Germany's freaking out, Romano's fighting with Spain, and France is acting downright un-France-y. Can anyone guess what happened?

Next chapter: Germany's blood pressure is raised, but nothing...naughty. I can't write that stuff. Prussia will be plenty suggestive though.

Translations

Nein: No

Bruder: Brother

Guden morgen bruder.: Good morning brother.

Ja: Yes

Italian

Fratello: Brother

Fratelli: Brothers


	2. bruders, fratellos, and freres

Hey everyone! I'm back from Canada!

Everyone: Who?

Canada: How did you like it?

It was nice! I'm surprised you aren't sugar-high more often given the sweets I saw. On another note a shop was selling just about every country flag in the world, so I bought a German flag and a Finnish flag, in Canada.

Moving on! Here is the rest of the story! Thank you everyone for the favorites and reviews!

I don't own Hetalia, I'm pretty sure it owns me.

000

"Bruder! Snap out of it!" Germany shook Prussia back and forth. The older nation's reaction when stopped was to take his brother's hands and put them on his waist.

"Better Westy?"

"Nein!" He yanked his hands away. Man would the German need a shower after this. "Vat is vrong vith you?"

"Nothing~…" He frowned. "Actually…I feel rather cold…maybe if you came a little closer…" Germany took several steps back. Prussia went toward him.

"Bruder, stay vhere you are."

"But whyyy?" He whined. "You're being so cold…"

The blond nation found his back to a wall. _"Uh oh…"_ His brother grinned and quickly closed the distance between them, leaning his hand on the wall.

"Westyyyy~…"

"_Shoot or not, shoot or not…?"_

"Bruder sink about vat you are doing!"

"I'm thinking…and I'm thinking of all the stuff we will be doing…"

"BRUDEEEER!"

000

"Damn you! You f***ing damn b******!" Veniziano was holding his brother back from probably clawing the eyes out of the Spaniard that was still lying on the living room rug. Or maybe he would go for the grin that was on his face.

"Hahaha…"

"V-Ve…Maybe I should call Germany…"

"No! I can take this b****** myself damnit!"

000

"France…? Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Hm?" The nation looked over his shoulder at Canada. "Ov course! Why?"

"Um…You're kinda acting weird…"

"Really? How?"

"I don't know…You just seem…cheerier than usual."

"Really?" He smiled. "That is good non?"

"I…I guess but…I don't know…"

France frowned, then glanced back at the food he was cooking. "Do you want to help me cook?"

"Uh…I guess?"

000

Yeah okay, it was time to call for help. Germany grabbed his phone in his pocket while keeping his brother at bay with one hand.

"_Who should I call?" _He wracked his brain for someone who could both help and would not laugh hysterically before hanging up and perhaps coming over with a video camera.

He could call Russia. The nation would understand his problem considering his sister. And yet, Germany decided to see if he could think of ANYONE ELSE.

"_Japan's busy, and he might come with a video camera, Austria wouldn't be much help, and Hungary would also bring a camera, though she would bring her frying pan too…"_

Suddenly Prussia lunged forward and unbalanced them. Germany watched in horror as the phone skittered under the couch.

"Verdammt!"

The older sibling grinned from on top of him. "Keesekeesekeese…Now I have Westy all to myself…" Time to shoot.

*Blam* Prussia winced at the noise so close to his ear. The blond nation shoved him off. Before the Teutonic could get up Germany pinned him on his stomach, holding his arms behind his back.

The albino twisted his head to see his brother. He grinned.

"So you wanna be on top?"

"Bruder-" Wait a second, he knew that grin… "FRAAAANCE! ZIS IS YOUR FAULT ISN'T IT?" Prussia pouted.

"France isn't here, but **I** am…" The German tried to figure out how to call the Frenchman without letting his brother get him. The closest access to rope was…

000

Spain had decided to take a nap on the rug, much to Romano's annoyance.

"Ve…are you sure we shouldn't call Germany?" The older Italian frowned, then snapped his fingers.

"That's it! This is the older potato b******'s fault!" He stomped over the phone, his finger over the buttons.

"…What the Hell is his number?"

000

Germany was just reaching for the phone when it started ringing.

"Hm?" He picked it up. "Hallo?"

"Potato b******!" He winced and held the phone farther away.

"Romano? Vat is it?"

"Get your damn fratello on the phone so I can swear at him for making Spain act like an a**hole!"

"…Uh…" He glanced at his brother. "He's busy…"

"Doing what?"

"_Trying to chew through a gag."_ He coughed. "Vat did bruder do exactly?"

"Spain's acting like him!"

"Huh?"

"Spain's acting like a potato b******!"

"Hm…"

"What are you thinking about damnit?"

"Vell, bruder's acting like France. Hang on…" He retrieved his cell phone from under the couch and dialed France's house.

000

*Rinnnnnng…*

"Canada? Could you get that?"

"S-Sure…" He picked up the phone. "Bonjour?"

"France? Is zat you?"

"N-No, this is Canada."

"Who?"

"Canada! The country above America!"

"…Oh, zis is Germany. Bruder is acting like France, and Spain is acting like bruder. Is zere somesing off about France?"

"Y-Yeah actually…he's been acting all cheery and well…not perverted."

"I see…Meet me back at the meeting room. Bring France."

"O-Okay…"

000

Germany hung up and picked up his home-phone. "Romano, can you bring Spain back to the meeting room?"

"I **could**. But why should I b******?"

"Do you vant him fixed?"

"…Fine…" The German turned back to his brother. "Bruder, time to get you back to normal."

000

"F-France?"

"Oui?"

"Can you come with me back to the meeting room?"

"Sure! The food is finished, should we bring it?"

"Uh…sure…"

000

"B******, wake up."

"Hm?" Spain's eyes opened. "What?"

"We have to go back to the meeting."

"…" He rolled on his side. "Nah…"

"Damnit! Get the f*** up you f***ing b******!"

"F-Fratello…"

000

Later…Germany was holding Prussia at arm's length while Canada and France watched curiously. Britain was also there with several magic books. They heard shouting from down the hall, which slowly got louder.

Finally, Romano came into the room dragging a thrashing Spain. The other Italian brother followed behind.

"Ve! Hi Germany! Why are you holding Prussia like that?"

"_So he doesn't rape me."_ The German coughed. "He isn't feeling vell."

"Okay!" Britain closed his book. "Now that they're all here…"

"Vat do you suggest we do?"

"Well, we could try a magic spell that would require putting them all in a magical hexagon, or there was a spell in which we put them out in the light of a full moon and…"

"I have a better idea," interrupted Germany. He grabbed France with his other hand and looked at Romano, who nodded.

"Wait, did Romano and Germany just agree on something? And what was it-"

*Wam* The German and Italian rammed the three nations' heads together. The fell in a heap again.

"Did it work?" Spain sat up and rubbed his head, then he tried to molest (actual molest) France, who kicked him in the face. Prussia laughed happily from nearby.

"Nein, try again."

*Wam*

"Ow! West what was that for? !"

"Ow…Romano?"

"Ouch! Prussia why is your skull so hard?"

"It verked." Germany picked up his brother and slung him over his shoulder again. "We vill be leaving now."

"Hey! I can walk myself! West!" Spain stumbled up.

"What happened?"

"Nothing damnit!"

"Ve! Let's go home!"

"C'mon France…"

"Um...Okay..."

000

Yeah, that's it.

Odd? Yes.

Dirty? Yes.

Scarring? Oh yeah...

Bad touch trio: *Looks at her while holding ice packs to their heads*

France: You don't...like us do you?

Well...I'd be lying if I said Prussia and Spain were my _favorite_ characters, but I have no problem with them. You on the other hand...Yeah I don't like you.

Translations

Bruder: Brother

Nein: No

Verdammt: Damn it.

Hallo: Hello

Italian

Fratello: Brother

French

Bonjour: Hello

Oui: Yes


End file.
